I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
