he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize