Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
