I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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