worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
