I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
