Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
