I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
