So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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