Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Are my feet made of real feet?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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