he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
