Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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