It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
