I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
