I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
