He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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