He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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