It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
