Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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