guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
