It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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