Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
