i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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