Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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