6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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