You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
