Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
