Having a random hookup so left but love u
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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