I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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