in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
