I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
