you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
