So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
