And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
