I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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