i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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