What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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