I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Randomize
