i don't like sucking hair
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
