I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
