3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
