I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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