I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
