Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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