cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
