YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
