apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
