So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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