when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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