Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
