Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
