need another drink. this is the easiest way
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
