you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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