I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
