Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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