I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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