well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
